No matter what I have achieved, what all i have purchased, who all i have befriended and have been in love with, I find myself in misery. It is as if my being is missing. Life seems to be a generic social plan where all goals are predefined by society and real happiness is missing. Is there a way out from this unhappiness?
Unhappiness can be caused by a wide range of factors, both internal and external. These causes often interact with each other, contributing to emotional distress and dissatisfaction. Here are some common causes of unhappiness:
1. Chronic Stress
Work-related pressure: Overworking, job insecurity, or lack of fulfillment in a job can lead to ongoing stress and unhappiness.
Financial concerns: Worrying about money, debt, or financial instability often leads to feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction.
Relationship stress: Conflicts, poor communication, or lack of emotional support in relationships can contribute to stress and unhappiness.
2. Negative Thought Patterns
Self-criticism: Constantly judging oneself harshly can erode self-esteem and lead to persistent unhappiness.
Perfectionism: Striving for unrealistic standards and feeling like you’re never good enough can result in frustration and dissatisfaction.
Rumination: Overthinking or dwelling on negative experiences, mistakes, or problems can trap a person in a cycle of unhappiness.
3. Lack of Meaning or Purpose
Lack of goals: Feeling directionless or unsure of your purpose in life can result in feelings of emptiness and discontent.
Unfulfilling work or activities: Engaging in tasks that don’t align with your values or passions can leave you feeling dissatisfied and unmotivated.
4. Poor Physical Health
Chronic illness: Long-term physical conditions like chronic pain or illness can have a significant impact on mental well-being, leading to unhappiness.
Poor sleep: Sleep deprivation is closely linked to mood disorders, fatigue, and irritability.
Unhealthy lifestyle: Lack of exercise, poor diet, and substance abuse can affect both physical and emotional well-being.
5. Social Isolation or Loneliness
Lack of connection: Not having meaningful relationships or social support can lead to feelings of loneliness and unhappiness.
Disconnection from others: Even in a crowd or online, if a person feels emotionally distant or misunderstood, it can lead to dissatisfaction.
6. Unresolved Trauma or Emotional Wounds
Past trauma: Unresolved emotional trauma, such as childhood abuse, neglect, or other traumatic events, can have long-lasting effects on happiness.
Unprocessed grief: The death of a loved one or significant loss can lead to prolonged unhappiness if the grief is not properly addressed.
7. Comparing Oneself to Others
Social comparison: Constantly comparing oneself to others, especially in the age of social media, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy, contributing to unhappiness.
Jealousy and envy: Wanting what others have or feeling envious of their achievements can create a sense of personal dissatisfaction.
8. Unrealistic Expectations
High personal expectations: Setting unreasonably high goals for oneself, whether in career, relationships, or personal life, can lead to disappointment and unhappiness when they are not met.
Expectations from others: Feeling pressure to live up to societal or familial expectations can lead to stress and unhappiness, especially if those expectations don’t align with personal values.
9. Mental Health Issues
Depression: Clinical depression is one of the most common causes of prolonged unhappiness, often accompanied by feelings of hopelessness, low energy, and loss of interest in activities.
Anxiety disorders: Chronic worry and anxiety can prevent a person from feeling content, even in positive situations.
Low self-esteem: Persistent negative self-perception or lack of confidence can create feelings of worthlessness and contribute to unhappiness.
10. Life Circumstances
Loss of a job: Sudden unemployment or career setbacks can lead to feelings of failure and financial strain, contributing to unhappiness.
Divorce or breakup: The end of a relationship can cause emotional pain, loneliness, and uncertainty about the future.
Health crises: Major health problems for oneself or a loved one can create significant stress and sadness.
11. Lack of Gratitude
Focusing on negatives: Failing to recognize or appreciate the positive aspects of life can result in constant dissatisfaction, even when things are going well.
Ingratitude: A lack of gratitude for what one has can foster a sense of entitlement, dissatisfaction, and unhappiness.
12. Boredom and Stagnation
Monotony: Repetition and a lack of variety in daily life can lead to boredom and a sense of stagnation, contributing to feelings of dissatisfaction.
Lack of personal growth: Without challenges or opportunities for learning and growth, people can feel stuck and unhappy.
13. Environmental Factors
Toxic environments: Being in a negative or unsupportive environment—whether at work, home, or socially—can have a significant impact on mental health.
Poor living conditions: Unsafe or uncomfortable living conditions can affect emotional well-being and happiness.
Addressing these causes involves making changes in mindset, lifestyle, relationships, and sometimes seeking professional help to manage underlying emotional or mental health issues.
This question can be answered only if you understand that something deep inside is missing. Only then can one stop and look withing to ask, why this unhappiness. Most people never stop to ask this basic question. They will keep running, stay distracted all their lives, even lives upon lives, without stopping even once and asking, what are they trying to achieve by running after one thing to another and seeking happiness outside or with others while missing their own center of being!
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” Buddha
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” Buddha
— words by enlightened master Osho —
Man is born with a center, but he remains completely oblivious of it. Man can live without knowing his center, but man cannot be without a center. The center is the link between man and existence; it is the root. You may not know it, knowledge is not essential for the center to be, but if you do not know it you will lead a life that is rootless — as if rootless. You will not feel any ground, you will not feel yourself based; you will not feel at home in the universe. You will be homeless. Of course, the center is there, but by not knowing it your life will be just a drifting — meaningless, empty, reaching nowhere. You will feel as if you are living without life, drifting, just waiting for death.
You can go on postponing from one moment to another, but you know very well that that postponing will lead you nowhere. You are just passing time, and that feeling of deep frustration will follow you like a shadow. Man is born with a center, but not with the knowledge of the center. The knowledge has to be gained. You have the center. The center is there; you cannot be without it. How can you exist without a center? How can you exist without a bridge between you and existence?… or if you like, the word ‘God’. You cannot exist without a deep link. You have roots in the divine. Every moment you live through those roots, but those roots are underground. Just as with any tree, the roots are underground; the tree is unaware of its own roots.
You also have roots. That rootedness is your center. When I say man is born with it, I mean it is a possibility that you can become aware of your rootedness. If you become aware, your life becomes actual; otherwise your life will be just like a deep sleep, a dream. What Abraham Maslow has called “self-actualization” is really nothing but becoming aware of your inner center from where you are linked with the total universe, becoming aware of your roots: you are not alone, you are not atomic, you are part of this cosmic whole. This universe is not an alien world. You are not a stranger, this universe is your home. But unless you find your roots, your center, this universe remains something alien, something foreign. Sartre says that man lives as if he has been thrown into the world. Of course, if you do not know your center you will feel a thrownness, as if you have been thrown into the world. You are an outsider; you do not belong to this world and this world doesn’t belong to you. Then fear, then anxiety, then anguish are bound to result.
A man as an outsider in the universe is bound to feel deep anxiety, dread, fear, anguish. His whole life will be just a fight, a struggle, and a struggle which is destined to be a failure. Man cannot succeed because a part can never succeed against the whole. You cannot succeed against existence. You can succeed with it, but never against it. And that is the difference between a religious man and a non-religious man. A non-religious man is against the universe; a religious man is with the universe. A religious man feels at home. He doesn’t feel he has been thrown into the world, he feels he has grown in the world. Remember the difference between being thrown and being grown.
When Sartre says man is thrown into the world, the very word, the very formulation shows that you do not belong. And the word, the choice of the word ‘thrown’ means that you have been forced without your consent. So this world appears inimical. Then anguish will be the result. It can be otherwise only if you are not thrown into the world, but you have grown as a part, as an organic part. Really, it would be better to say that you are the universe grown into a particular dimension which we call “human.” The universe grows in multidimensions — in trees, in hills, in stars, in planets… in multi-dimensions. Man is also a dimension of growth. The universe is realizing itself through many, many dimensions. Man is also a dimension along with the height and the peak. No tree can become aware of its roots; no animal can become aware of its roots. That is why there is no anxiety for them. If you are not aware of your roots, of your center, you can never be aware of your death.
Death is only for man. It exists only for man because only man can become aware of his roots, aware of his center, aware of his totality and his rootedness in the universe. If you live without a center, if you feel you are an outsider, then anguish will result. However, if you feel that you are at home, that you are a growth, a realization of the potentiality of the existence itself — as if existence itself has become aware in you, as if it has gained awareness in you — if you feel that way, if you really realize that way, the result will be bliss. Bliss is the result of an organic unity with the universe, and anguish the result of an enmity. But unless you know the center you are bound to feel a thrownness, as if life has been forced upon you. This center which is there, although man is not aware of it, is the concern of these sutras which we will discuss.
Before we enter into VIGYANA BHAIRAVA TANTRA and its techniques concerning the center, two or three things more. One: when man is born he is rooted in a particular spot, in a particular CHAKRA — center — and that is the navel. The Japanese call it HARA; hence the term HARA-KIRI. Hara-kiri means suicide. Literally, the term means killing the hara — the spine, the center. Hara is the center; destroying the center is the meaning of hara-kiri. But in a way, we have all committed hara-kiri. We have not killed the center, but we have forgotten it, or we have never remembered it. It is there waiting, and we have been drifting away and away from it. When a child is born he is rooted in the navel, in the hara; he lives through the hara. Look at a child breathing — his navel goes up and down. He breathes with the belly, he lives with the belly — not with the head, not with the heart. But by and by he will have to drift away.
First he will develop another center — that is the heart, the center of emotion. He will learn love, he will be loved, and another center will develop. This center is not the real center; this center is a by-product. That is why psychologists say that if a child is not loved, he will never be able to love. If a child is brought up in a non-loving situation — a situation which is cold, with no one to love and give warmth — he himself will never be able in his life to love anyone because the very center will not develop. Mother’s love, father’s love, family, society — they help to develop a center. That center is a by-product; you are not born with it. So if it is not being helped to grow, it will not grow. Many, many persons are without the love center. They go on talking about love, and they go on believing that they love, but they lack the center, so how can they love? It is difficult to get a loving mother, and very difficult and rare to get a loving father. Every father, every mother, thinks that he or she loves. It is not so easy.
Love is a difficult growth, very difficult. But if love is not there in the beginning for the child, he himself will never be able to love. That is why the whole humanity lives without love. You go on producing children, but you do not know how to give them a love center. Rather, on the contrary, the more society becomes civilized, the more it forces into being a third center, which is intellect. The navel is the original center. A child is born with it; it is not a by-product. Without it life is impossible, so it is given. The second center is a by-product. If the child gets love, he responds. In this responding, a center grows in him: that is the heart center. The third center is reason, intellect, head. Education, logic and training create a third center; that too is a by-product. But we live at the third center.
The second is almost absent — or even if it is present, then it is non-functioning; or even if it functions sometimes, it functions irregularly. But the third center, the head, becomes the basic force in life because the whole life depends on this third center. It is utilitarian. You need it for reason, logic, thinking. So everyone becomes, sooner or later, head-oriented; you begin to live in the head. Head, heart, navel — these are the three centers. The navel is the given center, the original one. Heart can be developed, and it is good to develop it for many reasons. Reason is necessary to develop also, but reason must not be developed at the cost of the heart — because if reason is developed at the cost of the heart then you miss the link and you cannot come to the navel again. The development is from reason to existence to being. Let us try to understand it in this way. The center of the navel is in being; the center of the heart is in feeling; the center of the head is in knowing. Knowing is the farthest from being — feeling is nearer.
If you miss the feeling center, then it is very difficult to create a bridge between reason and being — really, very difficult. That is why a loving person may realize his at-homeness in the world more easily than a person who lives through intellect. Western culture has basically emphasized the head center. That is why in the West a deep concern is felt for man. And the deep concern is with his homelessness, his emptiness, his uprootedness. Simone Weil wrote a book, THE NEED FOR ROOTS.
Western man feels uprooted, as if with no roots. The reason is because only the head has become the center. The heart has not been trained, it is missing. The beating of the heart is not your heart, it is just a physiological function. So if you feel the beating, do not misunderstand that you have a heart. Heart is something else. Heart means the capacity to feel; head means the capacity to know. Heart means the capacity to feel, and being means the capacity to be one — to be one with something… the capacity to be one with something. Religion is concerned with the being; poetry is concerned with the heart; philosophy and science are concerned
with the head. These two centers, heart and head, are peripheral centers, not real centers, just false centers.
The real center is the navel, the hara. How to attain it again? Or how to realize it? Ordinarily it happens only sometimes — rarely, accidentally it happens — that you come near the hara. That moment will become a very deep, blissful moment. For example, in sex sometimes you come near the hara, because in sex your mind, your consciousness moves downwards again.You have to leave your head and fall down. In a deep sexual orgasm, sometimes it happens that you are near your hara.
That is why there is so much fascination about sex. It is not really sex which gives you the blissful experience, really, it is the hara. In falling down toward sex you pass through the hara, you touch it. But for modern man even that has become impossible, because for modern man even sex is a cerebral affair, a mental affair. Even sex has gone into the head; he thinks about it. That is why there are so many films, so many novels, so much literature, pornography and the like. Man thinks about sex, but that is absurdity. Sex is an experience; you cannot think about it. And if you start thinking about it, it will be more and more difficult to experience it because it is not a concern of the head at all. Reason is not needed. And the more modern man feels incapable of going deep in sex, the more he thinks about it. It becomes a vicious circle. And the more he thinks about it, the more it becomes cerebral. Then even sex becomes futile. It has become futile in the West, a
repetitive thing, boring. Nothing is gained, you just go on repeating an old habit. And ultimately you feel frustrated — as if you have been cheated. Why? Because really, the consciousness is not falling back down to the center.
Only when passing through the hara do you feel bliss. So whatsoever may be the cause, whenever you pass through the hara you feel bliss. A warrior on the field fighting sometimes passes through the hara, but not modern warriors because they are not warriors at all. A person throwing a bomb on a city is asleep. He is not a warrior; he is not a fighter; he is not a KSHATRIYA — not Arjuna fighting. Sometimes when one is on the verge of death one is thrown back to the hara. For a warrior fighting with his sword, any moment death becomes possible, any moment he may be no more. And when fighting with a sword you cannot think. If you think, you will be no more. You have to act without thinking because thinking feeds time; if you are fighting with a sword you cannot think. If you think then the other will win, you will be no more. There is no time to think, and the mind needs time. Because there is no time to think and thinking will mean death, consciousfess falls down from the head — it goes to the hara, and a warrior has a blissful experience.
That is why there is so much fascination about war. Sex and war have been two fascinations, and the reason is this: you pass through the hara. You pass through it in any danger. Nietzsche says, live dangerously. Why? Because in danger you are thrown back to the hara. You cannot think; you cannot work things out with the mind. You have to act immediately. A snake passes. Suddenly you see the snake and there is a jump. There is no deliberate thinking about it, that “There is a snake.” There is no syllogism; you do not argue within your mind, “Now there is a snake and snakes are dangerous, so I must jump.” There is no logical reasoning like this. If you reason like this, then you will not be alive at all. You cannot reason. You have to act spontaneously, immediately. The act comes first and then comes thinking. When you have jumped, then you think. In ordinary life, when there is no danger you think first, then you act. In danger, the whole process is reversed; you act first and then you think.
That action coming first without thinking throws you to your original center — the hara. That is why there is the fascination with danger. You are driving a car faster and faster and faster, and suddenly a moment comes when every moment is dangerous. Any moment and there will be no life. In that moment of suspense, when death and life are just as near to each other as possible, two points just near and you in between, the mind stops: you are thrown to the hara. That is why there is so much fascination with cars, driving — fast driving, mad driving. Or you are gambling and you have put everything you have at stake — the mind stops, there is danger. The next moment you can become a beggar. The mind cannot function; you are thrown to the hara. Dangers have their appeal because in danger your day-to-day, ordinary consciousness cannot function. Danger goes deep. Your mind is not needed; you become a no-mind. YOU ARE! You are conscious, but there is no thinking. That moment becomes meditative.
Really, in gambling, gamblers are seeking a meditative state of mind. In danger — in a fight, in a duel, in wars — man has always been seeking meditative states. A bliss suddenly erupts, explodes in you. It becomes a showering inside. But these are sudden, accidental happenings. One thing is certain: whenever you feel blissful you are nearer the hara. That is certain no matter what the cause; the cause is irrelevant. Whenever you pass near the original center you are filled with bliss. These sutras are concerned with creating a rootedness in the hara, in the center, scientifically, in a planned way — not accidentally, not momentarily, but permanently. You can remain continuously in the hara, that can become your rootedness.
First understand this… Your mind is just a vagabond, a wandering. It is never at one point. It is always going, moving, reaching, but never at any point. It goes from one thought to another, from A to B. But it is never at the A; it is never at the B. It is always on the move. Remember this: mind is always on the move, hoping to reach somewhere but never reaching. It cannot reach! The very structure of the mind is movement. It can only move; that is the inherent nature of the mind. The very process is movement — from A to B, from B to C… it goes on and on. If you stop at A or B or any point, the mind will fight with you. The mind will say, “Move on,” because if you stop the mind dies immediately. It can be alive only in movement. The mind means a process. If you stop and do not move, mind suddenly becomes dead, it is no more there; only consciousness remains.
Consciousness is your nature; mind is your activity — just like walking. It is difficult because we think mind is something substantial. We think mind is a substance — it is not, mind is just an activity. So it is really better to call it “minding” than mind. It is a process just like walking. Walking is a process, if you stop, there is no walking. You have legs, but no walking. Legs can walk, but if you stop then legs will be there but there will be no walking. Consciousness is like legs — your nature. Mind is like walking — just a process.
When consciousness moves from one place to another, this process is mind. When consciousness moves from A to B, from B to C, this movement is mind. If you stop the movement, there is no mind. You are conscious, but there is no mind. You have legs, but no walking. Walking is a function, an activity; mind is also a function, an activity. If you stop at any point, the mind will struggle. The mind will say, “Go on!” The mind will try in every way to push you forward or backward or anywhere — but, “Go on!”
Anywhere will do, but do not stay at one point. If you insist and if you do not obey the mind… it is difficult because you have always obeyed. You have never ordered the mind; you have never been masters. You cannot be because, really, you have never disidentified yourself from the mind. You think you are the mind. This fallacy that you are the mind gives the mind total freedom, because then there is no one to master it, to control it. There is no one! Mind itself becomes the master. It may become the master, but that mastery is just seemingly so. Try once and you can break that mastery — it is false. Mind is just a slave pretending to be the master, but it has pretended so long, for lives and lives, that even the master believes that the slave is the master. That is just a belief. Try the contrary and you will know that that belief was totally unfounded.
Book of Secrets – Osho
“If you are quiet enough, you will hear the flow of the universe. You will feel its rhythm. Go with this flow. Happiness lies ahead. Meditation is key.” Buddha
so, the crux is that Happiness or Unhappiness is not outside, it is within. It is in your mind, so observe your mind as a witness and in such equanimity explore the real cause of unhappiness within. You will reach the source and you can then accept it and get over its effects.